Loneliness

Do you know what the first problem man would ever face was? Loneliness. In Genesis 2:18 we read, “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’”

If you type the word ‘lonely’ into the Google search engine you will get 116 million ‘hits.’ That means there are 116 million websites that you could go to that had something to do with the topic of loneliness. There is a great paradox in loneliness; lonely people crave human contact but their state of mind makes interpersonal contact difficult. Another paradox is that loneliness is not always about being alone but rather the perception of being alone and isolated that causes pain. You can live in a dormitory full of students or house full of people and feel lonely. You can work in a factory where you are forced to interact with 100’s every day and feel lonely.

There have been many songs written with lyrics that deal with the topic of loneliness.

·         Paul McCartney - “All the lonely people, where do they all come from?”

·         Elvis - “Well, since my baby left me, I found a new place to dwell. It’s down at the end of lonely street at Heartbreak Hotel”

·         James Taylor - “Do me wrong, do me right. Tell me lies but hold me tight. Save your good-byes for the morning light. But don’t leave me lonely tonight.”

 Loneliness is no respecter of persons either. Albert Einstein once said, “It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.” Mother Theresa put it this way, “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” Lest we think this is an emotion that God cannot relate to, Jesus uttered from the cross, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” which was probably the most gut-wrenching cry of loneliness in human history.

1st – Loneliness is a real problem in America. 25% of U.S. households consist of people living alone. 22% of people who ate dinner last night in America ate alone. In two separate studies 40% adults said they were ‘lonely.’ We wrongly assume loneliness is most prevalent among older adults when research reveals the highest % of sufferers are in their in 40’s and 50’s and come from all walks of life.

1995 was one of the hottest summers on record in Chicago. There were 750 heat-related deaths in a 5 day span in the 2^nd week July. On August 25^th, ~6 weeks later 41 of those people were buried together when the city was unable to find any family or friends. Max Lucado tells the story of walking in a cemetery looking at grave markers. He found the marker for a woman named Grace Llewellen Smith. Her tombstone was interesting in that there was no date of birth or death; just her name, the names of her two husbands, and this: “Sleeps, but rests not. Loved, but was loved not. Tried to please, but pleased not. Died as she lived … alone.” Loneliness is a problem in America.

2nd – There are many reasons a person might feel lonely. One reason can be a person’s circumstances. Life is filled with trials and tribulations, all of which can present a person with feelings of being alone. Another possible reason is abandonment. In 2 Timothy 4 the Apostle Paul mentions that Demas has “forsaken” him loving the present world more than ministry. In the context of life today abandonment may take the form of a divorce or absentee parent. Another reason some are lonely is because of their own desires. Many today choose to live life with no one physically or emotionally near them. In the late 1990’s there was a survey of Americans who were asked about being stranded on a desert island. 50% responded they would take a dog with them before taking another human. A poor attitude can also be a reason for loneliness. People who are irritable, grumpy, mean, angry, etc. run the risk of people having nothing to do with them.

3rd – There are multiple types of loneliness. There is the loneliness of love. When someone you have spent your life with suddenly is missing from your life, this can produce a great sense of loneliness. There also is loneliness that stems from feelings of helplessness. In John 5 Jesus encounters a man at the pool of Bethseda who had laid there 38 years, day after day, waiting to be healed. There is also the loneliness that sin produces. Sin isolates a person and produces feelings of desperation. After Judas betrayed Jesus, realizing his sin, the bible says he went out and hung himself.  

4th – Steps for overcoming loneliness. The most obvious answer for us as believers is to seek the Lord, casting all our cares on Him because He cares for us. But there are some other tangible things to try to combat loneliness.

·         Admit the problem – Until you acknowledge that you are lonely, you will never be able to take steps necessary to escape the feelings of isolation.

·         Consider the causes – Try to determine what is the root cause of your loneliness? Is it some circumstance out of your control? Have you sinned which has separated you from others? Are you, maybe unwittingly, making choices that end with you being alone?

·         Accept the things you cannot change - The death of a spouse or a move out of town are examples of things one often cannot change. God can use transitions in our lives to open doors to new experiences, but we must be willing, at the right time, to let go of the past and move on.

·         Alter the things you can change - Many of the causes of loneliness I mentioned can be overcome. Take whatever measures you can to meet the problem of loneliness head-on. Make it a point to get out of the house regularly. Get involved in church and other organizations. Volunteer! There are many ways to make connections with others that will help alter your life circumstances.

·         Develop habits that will help you to be emotionally healthy – Read and mediate on God’s word. Spend time in prayer both talking and listening to God. Start exercising more often. These are all healthy habits that will help combat feelings of loneliness.

·         Think about buying a pet - Pets can be a wonderful source of companionship. They offer uncomplicated companionship and unquestioning affection. They can even become the catalyst for friendships with other pet owners.

Loneliness can be overcome. But it's up to you to take the steps necessary to break free from its grip. Ask your Heavenly Father for the courage to reach out to others and try new things.

AJ Hussey, you lived your 'dash' well

The events of last night’s church league softball games will be etched on the heart and minds of many who were present. Two of our area churches were playing one another and AJ Hussey, the pitcher for one of the Living Hope Baptist Church co-ed teams had just scored a run. As he made his way back to the dugout collapsed as he went to sit down. Those around him at first thought he simply missed the bench; AJ was funny and no one would have thought it weird if he indeed simply missed the bench. Then when he didn’t respond it was thought he was having a seizure. One of the umpires last night is a dear friend and deacon at the church I pastor. He is a former EMT and currently the head trainer of the men’s basketball program at WKU. He immediately discerned AJ was not having a seizure but likely something much worse and began administering CPR and chest compressions. Once the first responders arrived they took over but there would be no ‘reviving’ AJ Hussey; he was with his Lord. AJ was a youthful 59 and the competitive juices still flowed through him. While he never said it as such, I always thought AJ lived by the “Why bother playing the game if you are not going to try to win?” mantra. As I reflect on that today, isn’t that how we each should approach life? If I’m a child of God, shouldn’t my attitude be one of trying to be godly in this life in an effort to hear my Lord say “well done” when I one day stand before Him? AJ, much like me, wasn’t perfect. But I do believe he ran his race well, he fought the good fight, and he kept the faith. AJ will be sorely missed.

In the coming days stories will be told and retold, laughs will be shared, and tears will be shed. Last night I was once more confronted with the reality that life is short and death can be sudden. It’s not a matter of whether we will die but rather are we prepared to die. There is a poem entitled “The Dash” that I looked up today as I reflected on AJ’s life and the suddenness with which we can exit this life. Poet Linda Ellis penned these words in 1996:

​

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke the following date with tears,

but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time that they spent alive on earth.

And now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars…the house…the cash.

What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard. Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real

and always try to understand the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more

and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before. 

If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile,

remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

​So, when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash…

would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent YOUR dash?

Andrew “AJ” Hussey - July 5, 1956 - June 6, 2016. Well done AJ; you filled in your “dash” well.

Bearing one another's burdens and Good Friday

Today I was reading Galatians 6:2 where the Apostle Paul writes, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Yet in verse 5, just 3 verses later he writes, “for each one should carry their own load.” Is this a contradiction? Which is it? Do we share our burdens or do we carry them alone? Yes! The word “burdens” in verse 2 is a Greek word, which meant a crushing weight; similar to being trapped under the rubble after an earthquake. In verse 5 the reference to carrying one’s “own load” is the Greek word used for a soldier’s backpack. Galatians 6 then teaches there are burden’s we are to share and there are burden’s we are to wear.

When we carry other’s “burdens” we are carrying that which is crushing them. Sure some burdens we see; like helping someone carry a fallen branch that they could not carry on their own. But I have found that most crushing burdens people carry are invisible. You might remember the Greek Mythology story of King Sisyphus. It seems the king was an escape artist of sorts and kept escaping his banishment to the underworld. Sisyphus’ punishment was to roll a giant boulder up a steep hill. Every time he would get near the top the boulder would roll back down again; he’d have to start all over. There are people all around us who are trying to bear a crushing weight all alone. The Bible says, “A man’s spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?” (Proverbs 18:14) There are burdens in life that are like that rock Sisyphus was trying to roll up the hill. We keep trying and they keep crushing us. Burdens such as the death of a loved one, the divorce of a marriage, or the diagnosis of a disease all tend to crush us if we are not careful. 

And yet we resolve to carry our burden alone like this man in East Asia pictured here. Somehow we as Christians have adopted the unbiblical idea that we should be able to handle every crisis on our own, no matter how big; “I don’t want to be a burden to you.” I preached a series recently entitled “Lies We Believe” where we looked at things we have bought into as believers, but they are not true. An example of this is the idea that God won’t put more on you than you can handle. God DOES allow us to face more than we can handle, primarily so that we are driven to our knees, crying out to Him and His people for help!

The apostle also points out that some burdens are simply ours to bear; “Each one should carry his own load” (backpack). If we were to take a backpacking trip we’d likely each pack our own backpack. If half way up a mountain I became tired and asked you to carry my pack for me, you’d probably say something to the effect of, “I have my own pack to carry. Besides if yours is too heavy, it’s your fault. You are the one who packed it.” There are things that no one carry; no one can do for us; things like accept Christ, worship, pray, witness, serve, give, etc. Today, if I were to ask you to take a minute and unpack and repack your personal backpack of ‘stuff’ you are carrying, what would you put in it? Would it be the same stuff that’s in there now? Is there a lot of junk in there that you carry; junk that has accumulated with time? Do you need to get rid of some of the junk so you can leave room for the most important things in life?

Yes there are burdens we can share with others and there are burdens we must bear alone. But there are also burdens so heavy and personal, the only thing we can do with them is to cast them on the Lord. The Bible says, “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm 55:22 NKJV) I will admit that foolishly I have often come to the Lord willingly giving Him my life but demanding to carry my own burdens. I tend to labor trying to carry my own burdens when the bible tells us to, “Cast all your anxiety on Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

I don’t know all of the burdens you carry and you don’t know all of mine. We both have some burdens we need to share, and some we need to bear alone. But there is one burden that every one of us has in common and it’s the heaviest burden that we’ll ever carry; it’s called guilt! Guilt is a burden too heavy for you to carry alone and too heavy for us to share. There’s only One who is able carry that burden, and He has already carried it to the cross. Listen to Isaiah 53:4-6, “Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows... He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed... The Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”  That friend is the “Good” of Good Friday tomorrow. He Jesus took our sins; He was crushed because of our iniquities, our punishment was placed upon Him, so that by His stripes we might be spiritually healed!