It has been five full months to the
day since my last post. 2019 has been a year of change for me; so many things
changed in my life, and all at the same time. Because of this, I have found
myself this year worried about the perception that others now have of me. I remember
what Winston Churchill once said. He stated, “When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old
man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most
of which had never happened.” No one has 100% of the truth regarding someone
else’s life. This means that no matter how much someone knows about you, their
perception of you will be skewed by their incomplete knowledge of what is true
in your life. There is neither a reason nor appropriate platform to deal with
perception versus reality; feeling versus truth. Today I thought, “If I live to
be 100, will these (other’s perceptions of me), be the things that consume my
thoughts that day or will that even matter to me then?”
Having stood at far too many death
beds or funerals, I have come to understand that when staring the end of human
existence in the face, these are not the worries and concerns of either the
dying or those left behind. The things people tend to talk about and reflect on
are things like, “Did I love enough? Did I express that love enough?” “Did I
spend my time doing the things that really matter i.e. time with my family?” No
one in my experience ever said, “I sure wish people liked me or thought differently
of me.”
Scripture clearly speaks to worrying
in Philippians 4:6-7. I realize this text is not dealing specifically with
worrying about what others think of us, but the application applies nonetheless.
The fact is worrying about what others think is completely counterproductive. It
tends to consume us and I am not sure that anyone ever gets completely
confident that others only see them in a positive light. I believe our minds
are wired toward negativity; it is part of our fleshly existence. We must also
remember that our enemy is the “accuser of the brethren” (Rev 12:10). When the
door toward negativity is opened even the slightest bit, he pushes his way in
and piles on with one negative thought after another.
Worrying about other’s perception of
us, in essence says we cannot feel whole or worthy without the approval of
another. When we look for the approval of others, it can prove addictive. We
make our choices not based on right or wrong but rather what will gain the approval
of another. We will dress a certain way; act a certain way; speak a certain
way, all in an effort to gain the approval of someone else. However, the
reality is, God made you and I like no other on earth, past, present, or
future. Knowing that everything God made, He declared “good”, and knowing we
have been created in the “image of God”, we should be more concerned with God’s
knowledge of the truth about us then someone’s perception of what is true of us.
In 2020 I am striving to simply be the best “me” that I can be; the best “me”
that most closely reflects who God created me to be.
Please hear me; I am not saying we
should not care at all what others think of us. However, I do think that we
should be more concerned with what we think of ourselves. Jesus said we are to
love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Often my struggle in loving others is
not because of who they are, or what they do, but more a matter of me being
content and liking who I am in Christ. In other words, for instance, don’t
allow the question, “Do they think I am stupid for doing this?” consume you.
Instead, simply ask yourself, “Is what I did stupid?” If the answer is yes, do
what you can to fix it and then forgive yourself. If the answer is no, let go
of it and move on. When we spend time wondering how other people perceive us,
we create stories that are often far from the truth. In order to change, we
have to be able to see ourselves, accept who we are by giving ourselves love
and forgiveness, and then make new choices when necessary.
This coming year will you try to live
your life such that you gain the approval of others? Or, will you be content in
being the best version of you with the knowledge that God made you and this
alone gives you value and worth?
When I come to the end of my life, if
I have time to reflect back, I don’t think others opinions of me will weigh
heavy on my heart. Instead I think the people that will really matter most to
me will be the ones who chose me; who loved me even when I messed up. It will
also matter to me what I think about the way I lived my life. Moreover, most
importantly, it will matter whether when God looks at how I lived, will He say “Well
done” regarding the life He gave to me.
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