Rude or Just Not Listening?

I’m sitting in a Starbucks (surprised right?) in Louisville waiting to officiate a wedding tonight. The Starbucks is located in a Barnes and Noble store and there are a lot of tables for folks to read or work at while they enjoy some coffee. There is only one set of plugs with a surge protector extended from it, so I’m required to sit on that end of the store if I want power for my laptop. As I sit down I notice there’s a man at the table next to me with big headphones on; the kind that look like noise cancelling headphones for a plane, not ear buds. 

I’m not sure if this man next to me is listening to music, a sermon, or what. But here’s what I do know … he keeps belching and making all kinds of sounds. My first inclination is “Man that’s rude. He needs to stop that.” But as I think about it, I realize he probably has no idea how loud he’s being. I have found when I have ear buds in and someone is speaking to me I am often oblivious to it. When they are in and I talk to Jan, I have no idea how loud I’m being because the headphones are distorting what I hear. (Well check that – the headphones are off and he just belched so I know he knows how loud he is, but I’m still going on with this blog). If his headphones had been turned up he could have been being rude and not really realized it.

This got me to thinking about my Christian witness. Sometimes the cacophony of the sounds of life tends to drown out everything else. I can easily miss the cries of others, the questions of others, or even the friendliness of others. I can seem rude when I am simply oblivious to their voice. I feel like the Lord spoke to me and told me I need to take time to hit the pause button, look around, and listen. It could be there is someone close by that is asking for help and I am oblivious to his or her cries and rudely keep life’s headphones on going about my merry way. I resolve today not to listen to the rude sounds or voices I may hear around me and focus more on listening for the cry of others and the “still small voice” of my God.

When life goes into a tailspin

The June 2016 issue of Aviation Safety Magazine had an article revisiting the plane crash of John F. Kennedy Jr. It was July 16, 1999 as the small plane that Kennedy piloted off the coast of Massachusetts crashed killing him, his wife, and his sister. The crash was deemed Kennedy’s fault because he was not trained for what he flew into. 

He was a licensed pilot but he only had VFR (visual flight regulations) certification, which meant he could only fly as long as he could see the horizon and what was ahead. There is another certification called IFR (instrument flight regulations), which means a pilot can fly into fog and clouds by using his instruments only for guidance. As Kennedy flew up the coastline it gradually became more and more foggy. Only an IFR pilot would be prepared to navigate through the haze.

In reading the article I was introduced to the idea of “spatial disorientation.” This is a phenomenon where a pilot that loses visual reference points quickly becomes disoriented, unable to discern up or down, east or west. The eyes and brain begin sending messages that are inaccurate. 

A person with IFR certification has been trained to fly using only the instruments when necessary. The instruments display an artificial horizon, the height, air speed of the plane, and whether it is ascending or descending. The hardest part of IFR certification evidently is learning to have absolute faith in your instruments. When your eyes and brain are sending you one message and the instruments say something else, you have to have trust in the instruments.

Even though I have never piloted a plane, there have been many days when the fog of sorrow, grief, anger, doubt, disappointment, etc. sets in and I have found myself in a tailspin. Life is easy when we can pilot by VFR (walking by sight). When we can see clearly what is out ahead of us piloting life is no problem. But when our world is spinning and we don’t know up from down we have to trust our instruments. What are the “instruments” available to the believer? We have the bible, God’s Word which, guides us. We have the Holy Spirit living inside of us. There are many ways that God guides us when we walk by faith.

We have a choice of whether we pilot life by VFR or IFR. We can insist that what we “see” is enough as walking by sight works most of the time. It worked for Kennedy until that fateful day in July 1999 when he flew into the fog. Or we can choose to pilot life by IFR having complete and absolute faith in God, His Word, and His Spirit, which lives inside of us. Are you in a fog today? Does all that is going on around you disorient you? If so trust the Word of God and the God who authored it. He doesn’t want to see your life crash. His goal is to get you safely home!

Faith in God's Promises ... Even When They Are Hard To See

Last Wednesday at 6:00 AM I got onto I-65 headed to Nashville. Right after getting on the Interstate in Bowling Green, I noticed this rainbow in the sky (look in the lighter part of the picture right above the truck). It was faint but it was there.

Immediately I was reminded of the rainbow representing a promise from God (see Genesis 9:14-ff). But the thought that grabbed my attention and caused me to grab my phone and get a quick picture was this: Even when you can barely make out the promises of God, they are there and true nonetheless.

We all struggle at times to see God's hand and understand what He is doing in our life. When we can't see His hand, that's when we must learn to trust His heart. God loves us! In fact He loves us so much that He'd rather die than spend eternity without us. What promise of God are you struggling with today?

• Are you worried about the future? Even though you may not be able to clearly see Jeremiah 29:11 right now, trust that He knows the plans He has for you; plans for a future and a hope.
• Are you tired? Tired of living? Tired of the daily grind? If so you can know that Jesus meant every word of Matthew 11:28-29 when He promised that if we will come to Him when we are burdened He will give us rest.
• Do you feel like you can't take another step; that life is just too hard? If this is you, believe the promise of Isaiah 40:29-31 that if you will "trust in the Lord" you will find the strength you need to go on. Live life one day at a time.
• Have you wandered back into sin as a believer? Are you believing the lie that there is no way God will now use someone like you? Repent and confess whatever the sin is, then claim Romans 8:1 where the Apostle Paul promises "There is now therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus."
• Are you having a hard time believing that you haven't sinned too much, gone too far; that God would really save someone like you? In Luke 5:31 Jesus reminds the disciples that healthy people do not need a doctor; the sick do. He explains He did not come to "call the righteous" but that He came to call the "sinners to repentance." Believe Romans 10 when it clearly says "Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."  

So what promise are struggling to "see" today? Look up! It may be faint but the promise is there and true independent of whether you can see it clearly at the moment or not. 

Giving seniors the love and respect they are due

So a couple of things happened recently that turned my thinking toward a certain subject, namely showing the proper respect to those who are older.

First my 81-year-old mother fell and broke her hip. After a partial replacement she spent several weeks in rehab. Then I turned 57 years old and realized that my next major birthday is 60.

There are obvious scriptural reasons for honoring our elders. 

§  Proverbs 23:22“Listen to your father who gave you life, and don’t despise your mother when she is old.”

§  Exodus 20:12“Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.”

§  Ephesians 6:1-3“Children, obey your parents as you would the Lord because this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land.”

§  1 Timothy 5:8“But if anyone does not provide for his own, that is his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Obviously there comes a day when as grown adults we no longer are under the scriptural admonition the ‘obey’ our parents, but I don’t think the admonition to ‘honor’ them ever expires. 

I want to list a few thoughts under two categories: (1) Why respect our elders and (2) Ways to honor them.

Why respect our elders:

1.     We reap what we sow – This is a ‘selfish’ motive but is worth mentioning nonetheless. Let’s treat them in a way we would want to be treated at that age.

2.     Straight up humanity – We go to great lengths to care for small children because we know in many ways they can’t care for themselves. Often seniors are not able to do certain things and our humanity should cause us to want to help them.

3.     Wisdom – Some things are only learned through time and experience and our elders already have both.

4.     Because they love us – If they are parents or family they have been there for us as we have grown up. They have walked through valleys with us and celebrated our joys with us. The least we can do is find ways to express love back.

5.     Moral values - If you have a sound value system and morals; if you can instinctively tell what is wrong and what is right, thank your elders for teaching you the distinction. The world certainly isn’t teaching proper moral values so you had to have learned it from them.

6.    Love - One of the simplest reasons to respect the elders is that we love them. They cared for us when we were sick, cooked for us, talked to us, taught us, and loved us more than life itself. We should reciprocate by loving them! They show us their love by their acts of kindness and care; we show our love by respect.

Ways to honor our elders:

1.     Ask for their advice - It’s a shame to think that an elder, with a lifetime of experience, would be overlooked for advice. Seniors have a lot to contribute to society through their life experiences, so seeking counsel from an elder is time well spent.

2.     Check in on them- If you live too far from your elderly loved one to see them on a regular basis, pick up the phone and call them. In our busy lives, it’s easy to forget just how much it will mean to a senior if we take time out of our day to say ‘hello.’ Phone calls are a personal way of both saying and showing that you care.

3.     Ask questions and listen – In the last few years I’ve had the opportunity to take a World War II veteran and a Korean War veteran to lunch. I simply asked them to tell me about the war and sat back as they told story after story. Hearing “their” story I believe shows respect. Ask yourself when was the last time you asked one of your elders to tell you about what currently or in the past has happened in their life? 

4.     Time – be it a child or older adult love is spelled the same way: time. Nothing takes the place of spending time with the elderly. There will likely much sooner rather than later come a day when that is no longer an option.

5.     Take the time to tell them how much you appreciate them – Even if we demonstrate that we respect our elders through our actions, it’s important to actually tell them how much we appreciate and respect them.

6.    Visit them - The world moves at a fast pace and people sometimes forget what’s truly important. Because of this pace of life seniors are sometimes forgotten, but are still very much alive.They want to spend time with us but often are afraid to ask because our pace of life is so much faster than theirs and they don’t want to infringe or inconvenience us.

Question – What are your thoughts? What are some reasons we should respect our elders or ways we can honor them that I haven’t mentioned?

His,

Tom

Depression - spiritual, physical, or both?

Depression – Is it spiritual, physical or both? The answer is it can be either or both. Certainly sin can be a cause of depression, when a person is under great conviction. As Christians though I think we can be too dismissive of people who struggle with depression, simply chalking it up as the person not spending enough time with the Lord and in His Word. I have heard well-meaning Christians, who really have no clue because they have never experienced depression, tell other believers that very thing; they just aren’t walking with God like they should or they wouldn’t be feeling the way they are. If you are someone who has felt that way, had those thoughts, or actually told someone that, please read the rest of this blog.

Were there characters in the bible that battled depression?

§  Elijah – After a great spiritual victory over the prophets of Baal, Elijah said in 1 Kings 19:4 “I have had enough Lord, he said. Take my life, I am not better than my ancestors.”

§  Job – He seemed to have continual struggles with depression. “Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?” Job 3:11. “I have no peace, no quietness, I have no rest, but only turmoil.” Job 3:26. “I loathe my very life, therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul.” Job 10:1

§  Jeremiah – The ‘weeping prophet’ often struggled with depression. “Cursed be the day I was born…why did I ever come out of the womb to see trouble and sorrow and to end my days in shame?” Jeremiah 20:14; 18

What about other godly people? Are there examples of their being depressed? Charles Spurgeon is known as the ‘prince of preachers’ and is one of the greatest preachers of the gospel this world has ever known. In 1858 at the age of 24 he had his first episode of depression. He later said, “My spirits were sunken so low that I could weep by the hour like a child, and yet I knew not what I wept for.” His depression was so severe, on occasions he would be out of his pulpit weeks at a time. Read his description of this debilitating disease: “Causeless depression cannot be reasoned with, nor can David’s harp charm it away by sweet discoursing’s. As well fight with the mist as with this shapeless, indefinable, yet all-beclouding hopelessness ... The iron bolt which so mysteriously fastens the door of hope and holds our spirits in gloomy prison, needs a heavenly hand to push it back.”

If depression were solely a spiritual battle surely men like Elijah, Jeremiah, or Spurgeon would have known to just “get right with God” and all would be better. It’s true that through the years I have battled depression myself but this article is not about me and I’m not currently going through a bout of depression. This blog is about helping Christians understand that sometimes the things they say to the depressed do more harm than they do good.

Here are just a few things that those who have depression with those who didn’t understood about the illness.

1. Depression isn’t the same as being sad. “We’ve all been sad. But feeling sad is usually a temporary state. Depression is long-lasting,” says Tina Walch, MD, a psychiatrist and chief medical director of South Oaks Hospital in Amityville, NY. In fact, you may not even feel sad when you’re depressed; you may simply be disengaged or disinterested.  
2. You can’t just wish or pray it away. “People think that you can just control depression,” says Ashley Valencia, a 30-year-old printing professional in Dallas. “But trying to help someone with depression by saying 'pray,' 'try to get over it,' or 'just try this or that' isn’t actually helpful.” What does help? “Be loving and kind and understanding,” Valencia says. “Instead of trying [to 'fix' me], let me work with my doctor to find real solutions.”
3. It’s a real disease. “Too many people still believe it’s not a real medical disease. But research shows that it is,” Dr. Walch says. Experts believe it’s caused by a combination of things. Depression is an illness, not a choice!
4. Depression medication does not turn you into a zombie. Not all people with depression need to take medication. But for those who do, there are many good medication options available that can help them feel better. (Talk therapy, lifestyle changes, and brain stimulation therapy are also good ways to treat depression.)
5. A few other things worth mentioning that your friends with depression wish those without it understood:
• “Reminding me that the circumstances of my life really aren't that bad doesn't make me feel any better.”
• “Don't talk about depression like it's something I can ‘beat.’”
• “If things are really bad and you reach out, I might not respond; don’t take it personal.”
• “We all have different coping mechanisms, so don’t compare me to your other depressed friends.”
• “Don't judge me for taking medication.”

Many of my thoughts above came from an article at https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/people-depression-wish-you-knew

If you are battling depression know you are not alone; please reach out and get help. If you have never battled depression and you don’t understand those who do, thank your God you have never faced it and pray that you never do.