Super Bowl Sunday, Real People, and Grace

This past Sunday was Resurrection Sunday. While I was pastoring I referred to this as the preacher’s “Super Bowl Sunday”. There was an excitement in the air and we typically had by far the largest attendance of the year. The comedian John Crist has a great short video on what pastors are like on Easter Sunday morning https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XsrJ3687aM.

It was strange not being in the pulpit on Easter as I’ve preached every Easter Sunday since 1990. Our faith is founded on the One who died, was buried, and rose again on the 3^rdday. And so to not stand and proclaim the hope of the gospel was strange. I did much better than I thought I would. The only time I got choked up was during the invitation. It was an unusually long invitation and during that time I reflected on all of the times (about 4,200 over the 28+ years) I’d stood where that pastor was standing; at the front of the church dealing with those who responded and praying for those who needed to respond. It hit afresh and anew that I’d likely never stand in that spot again… but it also hit me that there are many other ways to serve the Lord faithfully as a layman. 

The long invitation leads me to the 2^nd thing … real people. A coworker invited me to attend their church on Sunday. It’s a non-denominational church that is predominantly African-American. There were several Caucasians there but the pastoral staff, worship team, and praise band were all African-American. The worship experience itself was much different than what I’m used to. I’m not saying it was bad in any way simply different. There was something else that was different too. On the way into the building, during worship, and leaving the building after the service I noticed the same thing each time … the people were real; they were genuine. 

When I walked in they didn’t see a white man in his late 50’s wearing a seersucker blue pinstriped suit with a pink bow tie (yes that’s really what I wore). What they saw through their eyes was simply a man who had come to the building to worship the Lord with them. As they spoke to me they didn’t speak to me as one might speak to someone who is strangely out of place. They spoke to me as someone they genuinely wanted to know was welcome there. During worship they had a remarkable freedom to worship. Some stood and some sat … the one leading the worship never instructed to stand or sit except when God’s Word was read. Many responded with the occasional hallelujah or praise the Lord and no one thought anything about it. The sermon was actually shorter than the invitation and I was told that’s often the case. It wasn’t a prolonged invitation. There was the pastor, the associate pastor, and a woman who received only women for prayer standing at the front and they were with someone the entire time. Then when worship was over and I left, I experienced the same genuineness from people who were simply glad I was there. Is that the church for me? I honestly don’t know. Will I go back? Yes probably at some point. And the reason I will go back is because the people were real in a way to me that was refreshing.

This leads to the 3^rd thing I briefly wanted to speak about… grace. They never asked what I did before moving to Rolla and even if they had I got the sense it would not have mattered to them that I am a “former” pastor. In 28+ years of pastoring, parenting, and marriage did I ever make a mistake? I made enough mistakes for you and me both. And many through the years extended grace … but many didn’t. Why is it that those of us who know the grace of God and know what was done for us so that our many sins could be forgiven, why do we find it so difficult to extend grace to a brother or sister? Sometimes those things we are quick to judge, we do so without having anywhere near a full knowledge of all the circumstances. Recently I’ve made some choices, “poor” choices in many people’s estimation. But those who judge the decisions do so without a full knowledge of all the circumstances. I am sure that in the days ahead there will be many more who question my decisions. I don’t ask for people to agree with my decisions or approve of them. I simply ask for the grace to make decisions. If they are wrong God can whip me more effectively than any man. Let’s be real in our worship and extend grace not just to brothers and sisters but also to those who do not yet know the One who died to extend grace to any and all who call on His name. 

Tom

Worshipping as a layman has been good

As vocational pastors it is easy on Sundays to get caught up in the structure of worship and trying to provide an atmosphere that is conducive to worship, to where we leads others yet don't truly worship ourselves. That his me this morning at the beginning of worship as I realized I was free to worship because the responsibility for making sure the "structure" of making sure everything happened when it was supposed to happen was not mine.

Today I visited a Southern Baptist Church here on the outskirts of town that advertised a "contemporary" service. They had a nice praise band and the songs were certainly fresh. The people were singing, but not loud and celebratory as I am accustomed to and so it was easy to hear myself sing. Truth is there were times when I could only hear myself singing. I thought that off but the Holy Spirit prodded me and reminded me that I was worshiping for an audience of One, so I should sing as thought I were the only one lifting His name and giving Him the praise due His name.

The pastor was wrapping up a series on the life of Samson and preached from Judges 16:23-34. He contrasted the sacrifice of the Philistines as they worshipped their god Dagon and paraded blind Samson around on display with the sacrifice of Samson. In those days when people went to war it was believed that their gods went to war as well. It was kind of like the “My dad can beat up your dad” kind of thing except this time it was “My god can beat up your god.” They were celebrating that in their mind their false God had defeated the Lord God, God of Samson. Because Samson had sinned and his hair had been cut, he’d lost all of his strength. But the real tragedy was verse 20 where it says, “he did not know that the Lord had departed from him.”

I think by this day in our text as he’s paraded around blindly he is painfully aware that the Lord has departed from him. As he asks the guard to position him between two of the main pillars Samson begins to cry out to God. The first thing Samson prays is “Oh Lord God remember me.” Question – Do you think God had ever forgotten him? No! But there are times when our sin or situations make us feel as though He has forgotten us. I think for 38 painful chapters Job felt like God had forgotten him. We need to remember that no matter where we are or what we have done, God has not forgotten nor has He given up on us. 

In verse 30, even though Samson was cognizant of the fact that any victory achieved would have to come by the hand of the Lord, the bible says “he pushed will all his might.” The idea here is that he gave to God all that he had, all that he was. And the scripture says the roof of the temple fell and 3,000 Philistine leaders were killed that day. It says that the dead that day outnumbered all of those Samson had killed in battle up to that point. In spite of his willful sin, in spite of his getting into bed both physically and metaphorically with the enemy, God was not done using Samson. There are times we feel as though we are too far from God or we have done too much for God to use us. Truth is we were never worthy to be used by Him in the first place. That means that He can and will still use us for His glory, and like Samson we can finish strong in spite of our past. 

The pastor had 3 takeaways that he called “Steps to developing a sacrificial attitude” but he never got around to giving them in the 11:00 service. He said at the end before dismissing us that he thought maybe God wanted us to go home and reflect and come up with the 3 takeaways personal to us. So I close with my three:

1.    It’s not a matter of our having to pray for God to remember us but rather us remembering the character and nature of our God.

2.    If we remember and return to God, our most useful days of service can still be in front of us.

3.    Even though God is the One who delivers the victory, He still expects us to give all that we have.

Being a layman has been good for me. I’m learning and relearning truths about God as I walk each with Him by faith. 

Tom

Lessons learned as a pastor - part #4

Not sure how many more lessons I will write about … I guess as long as I keep thinking of them. Here are some of today’s thoughts.

1.     Trying to make everyone happy means no one will be happy – Being a leader means you will be forced to make decisions that will not always be popular. Let’s be real – some people have the spiritual gift of being grumpy. And with them it doesn’t matter what you do; they will never be satisfied. There will always have been a better way to do it. And the time spent trying to make them happy sends a bad message to the rest of the people. The message received is that bad behavior will be rewarded with attention.

2.     Pastors spend time working with the wrong people – You might be thinking, “Hold on pastor, everyone in the church deserves to be worked with.” The answer to that is both yes and no. Does everyone deserve to be ministered to? Absolutely. But when a new ministry or vision is expressed, I have found there are three groups of people. Those who are ‘all in’ and ready to charge the gates of hell with a water pistol, those who are on the fence unsure if this is a good thing or bad thing, and those who are opposed to it. Typically those people that are opposed fall into the category above as being unhappy. I can’t tell you how many years I neglected those who were ‘all in’ and spent my time trying to turn around the opposition. Here’s what I learned through that. Focus on the people who are in support and are ready to go. They will work on convincing the people who are unsure and soon they too will be on board. And allow the Holy Spirit to work on those in opposition because I recognized, as much as I tried I could never change a heart. 

3.     Not all staff members will be saved and or called - I remember a couple of churches ago having to work with the Personnel Committee to fire a youth pastor. In 9 short months he had charged a home entertainment system to the church card and only reimbursed the church when the financial secretary questioned him about it. He also “grew” our student ministry from an average of 80 in attendance when he arrived, to 40 in attendance 9 months later, even though we opened a start of the art youth building under his watch. He acted inappropriately with another man’s wife on a mission trip to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina (another staff member who had been on the trip came and told me about this). And that’s just a few of the things. Unbeknownst to my associate pastor, or myself he had been going around telling people that we were out to “get him”. So when we laid everything out before the personnel committee, a man on the committee that this youth pastor had been talking to on a daily basis said that we were the problem, that we had a “bad attitude”. The committee did the right thing and fired him that afternoon but they put a gag order on my associate and I so people began to wonder if what the youth guy had been saying was true. It took years for some people who we’d been friends with and pastor to for 9 years to finally believe we were acting in the best interest of the church on that day. 

4.     Not all crisis calls have to be handled immediately – We all have various types of crisis calls as pastors. The “Winston has been rushed to the ER in an ambulance” kind that you jump in your car immediately and go. But there’s also the “Pastor, we are having a hard time in our marriage … hard time with our child …” I learned, about 13 years into ministry this principal. When a crisis call comes at night I learned to ask myself, “Is this something they have been dealing with during hours I was at work?” If the answer to that were yes, I would tell them I’m sorry they were having problems and I’d be in the office at 8:00 the next morning if they wanted to come by. People have no trouble calling you away from your family. But if this problem could have been handled by you while you were at work, why deal with it once you are off work and home? If it wasn’t bad enough to call you during the day when it was being discussed or debated, then it can likely wait until the next day.

Again, I’m not sure if these are helpful to anyone but me but I can tell you it is cathartic to write out some things. Someone commented to me after a couple of these blogs that it appeared I had “learned a few things since leaving the vocational ministry.” I responded, “No, most of these things I have known for awhile. I’m just afforded the freedom to be more transparent now. 

Blessed by having been a pastor for 28+ years,

Tom

Lessons learned as a pastor - Part #3

Here is another attempt at capturing and putting into words some of the things I learned through 28+ years of ministry.

1. Busyness and prioritization – There is more than enough things to keep a person “busy” in ministry. There are always meetings to attend, visits to make, and sermon preparation to take care of. It seemed like there was an endless stream of “one more thing” (s) that I had to find time for. This taught me the importance of prioritizing things. We really do find or make the time for those things that are important to us. For instance my days may be jam-packed but I rarely miss a meal (you can tell I know). Why do I rarely miss a meal? Because I decided long ago that meals were a priority and so I make time for them. I wish I could tell you that I had mastered the ability of prioritizing the right things; putting first the things of more importance. But I, like you I’m guessing, are a work in progress. The next time you are tempted to say you can’t do something because you are busy, stop and ask yourself a question. Am I really too busy to do this or is it just not a priority? And if it’s not a priority ask yourself and the Lord if it should be.
2. Came to know that I don’t know – The longer I was a pastor, the more I realized how much I simply didn’t know or understand. So I began to look for wisdom in many venues: magazines, books, news articles, commentaries, etc. Proverbs 4:7 states, “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost you all you have, get understanding.” Solomon, the wisest man ever, said the beginning of wisdom is having the desire to get wisdom. In other words know what you don’t know and seek to learn it. Coming out of seminary I was like a 20 year old moving out of the house for the first time. I thought I had the answers to all of the questions and the older I got the more I realized I didn’t even know the right questions.
3. Suffering – There are many things one can learn about suffering but I learned as a pastor one of my responsibilities was to prepare others for suffering (no I’m not talking about suffering through one of my sermons … although they could be painful at times). D. A. Carson said, “All we have to do is live long enough and we will suffer.” Jesus said, “In this world you will have tribulation” (John 16:33). I saw through the years the fact that often times I didn’t suffer “well”.  If we know that we live in a fallen and sinful world where we will suffer, we should do all that we can now to prepare to suffer well; in a way that will glorify God. In the midst of the darkness of suffering is not the time to think about how we are going to endure suffering; that time is in the light of day, when we can see clearly things which likely will be hidden by the darkness of suffering.
4. God worked in spite of me – Seemingly every Sunday before I’d get up to preach I’d be aware of my own unworthiness to stand before our God and speak a word for Him. In saying that, I’m reminded of a story my mentor told me. He said one Sunday morning he and his wife had a little spat. In his irritation he said, “That’s just great. Now I’m angry and I’m not worthy to preach.” He said his wife looked at him and said, “On your best day you are not worthy to preach.” How true that is. No one is worthy to be used by God yet He uses us in spite of ourselves. I learned that God could use a very imperfect vessel like me because when He did, then He got the glory.

Thanks for reading my blog!

Tom

A few more lessons learned as a pastor

Today I want to write about a few more things I learned as a pastor.

1.     Long-term pastorates are a blessing and can be a curse – I believe the national average for pastoral tenure in SBC churches is now approaching 6 years which is up. I exceeded those averages at the last two churches I served (Alpha – 9 years 9 months, and Eastwood 14 years and 5 months). So what do I mean by being a blessing and a curse? It is a HUGE blessing when you get to do things like baptize children that you saw in the hospital the day they were born. When you see some of the ones who were mere children when you arrived grow up, start a career, get married, and have children of their own. These are the types of things you would never get to experience with even the national average of a 6-year tenure. It’s also a blessing because somewhere between years 5-7 you become the pastor. People begin to realize that you are there to stay and are more willing to follow you. So how can a long term pastorate be a curse? There are times that a pastor’s voice can grow stale. Pastors can only be passionate about so many things and once those things have been stressed … repeatedly … there is a tendency to tune a voice out. This isn’t necessarily intentional as much as it is “I’ve heard that and know that, so what’s new?” Also, around year 10 people who were leaders when you arrived and have continued to serve in leadership capacities will often question whether you are leading in the right direction. I don’t think this is always intentional but more of the “We need a fresh voice to speak to this” mindset. 

2.     A small number of people have no problem taking up a large amount of your time – Being a pastor is being around people. So hear me when I say that I know a pastor has to spend time with his people to have influence and the freedom to walk with them and speak truth into their life. That being said, there are those members that always want to monopolize your time. Be it in the line as you greet people after a service or in your office. I remember many times when guests would be standing to meet me on a Sunday morning and someone I knew well and saw all the time would stand there telling me a story … most often about themselves … and I’d catch out of the corner of my eye the guest leaving. When these time-monoplizers stop by the office and ask if you have a “minute to speak to them” you always have to allow at least 30. So here’s the lesson I learned here – guard your schedule because some will abuse your time if you let them. Make sure you get to spend the time needed with the people who need your time … not just the people who always want it.

3.     Families pay a steep toll for a loved one being a pastor – I will be honest and admit that I only recently learned this lesson through the help of some PK’s (preacher’s kids) who are adults now and were members of the church I was pastoring. They shared with me some of their experiences. When a pastor is young and trying to win the world single-handedly, it is easy for the church to become his mistress. When this happens both he and his family pay a great price. Also, I have learned that my children felt a great deal of pressure being the “pastor’s kid” even though I tried to shield them from that as much as possible. Unfortunately I didn’t learn this until they were adults out on their own. If you are a young pastor that’s reading this I want to tell you that you will not learn this lesson until it is too late … unless you make changes now.

These are just a few more of the things I learned being a pastor. I’m not sure if these are beneficial to those of you who read my blog but they are cathartic to me as I reflect and write.

Tom