Fear of failure

Have you ever approached a rather significant moment in your life and suddenly been plagued by the thought “What if this fails?” or phrasing it more personally “What if I fail?” I have come to believe there is no shame in failure; even the most successful people have failed at rather significant times of their lives. Consider the following:

• Bill Gates (founder of Microsoft) dropped out of Harvard and his 1st business venture “Traf-O-Data” failed to get off the ground.
• Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because “He lacked imagination and had no good ideas” … can you imagine?
• Albert Einstein, considered a genius by most, did not speak until he was four, and did not write until seven causing teachers to label him “mentally handicapped.”
• Oprah Winfrey early in her career was fired from a job as a television reporter because she was “unfit for television”
• Jerry Seinfeld, his first time on stage as a comic had severe stage fright and froze. He ended up being jeered and booed off the stage
• Stephen Spielberg, the widely acclaimed motion picture director was denied admittance three times into the University of Southern California School of Film, Theatre, and Television. He eventually gained acceptance to another school only to drop out to become a director
• In 1954 Elvis Presley was fired by Jimmy Denny, the manager of the Grand Ole Opry after just one performance telling him, “You ain't goin' nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck”
• Michael Jordan, the man often lauded as the best basketball player of all time was actually cut from his high school basketball team. Luckily, Jordan didn't let this setback stop him from playing the game and he has stated, "I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

Did you catch what Jordan said? “I have failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed!”

There’s an interesting parable in Matthew 25 where Jesus tells the story of a man who would be traveling that trusted some of his “talents” to various servants. To one he gave five, to another two, and finally to one he gave one talent. When he returns the servants who’d been given five and two talents had invested them and returned even more to their master. But the one who had received one talent was afraid to fail so he buried the talent and returned to the master the one talent back. Jesus says the talent was taken from him and given to the others and he was cast away into outer darkness.

So here’s my point – when we refuse to try anything new, being paralyzed by fear, we are not living by faith. Faith, by the very nature of the word takes risks I believe. It is risky to love, yet we have faith that our spouse and children will love us back. It is risky to change jobs but we have faith the new company will take care of us and will prosper. Just about every area of our life requires us to take risks and live by faith.

Let me remind you of four simple truths that maybe will help you as you battle the fear of failing:

1. Everybody fails – The bible is filled with people who “failed” yet God loved and usedthem in spite of their failure. King David, a murder, adulterer, and liar repented and the Book of Acts calls him a “man after God’s own heart.”
2. Failure does not have to be the final – What if after being cut Michael Jordan decided to quit because he just wasn’t good enough to play basketball? What if Bill Gates decided he just didn’t have what it takes to cut it in the world of technology? What if Saul of Tarsus believed the lie that there was no way God would ever choose to use someone like him?
3. Look for the “benefits” of failure – the Lord used Peter’s three denials to teach him some things about the Father and His forgiveness so that when Peter preached at Pentecost he preached with power and passion!
4. Stop comparing yourself to others – Change your definition of success from being the best to rather doing your best.

So what is it you are afraid of failing at today? Marriage? Parenting? Your job? Remember that success is never final and failure is never fatal. If we had all the answers and could see into the future they wouldn’t call it “faith.”

Perspective part #2

After last night’s post on perspective I’m sitting in worship today and the Lord seems to give me chapter 2 of the “perspective” sermon He’s preaching to me. Eastwood’s choir was singing a “new” song … well I think it’s new to them anyway. It’s a 2009 Casting Crowns song entitled “If we’ve ever needed you.” There’s a place in the song where the lyrics are “If we've ever needed You Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now. We are desperate for Your hand. We're reaching out, we're reaching out. All our hearts, all our strength, with all our minds, we're at Your feet. May Your kingdom come in our hearts and lives.” As I listened tears welled up in my eyes and to be honest I began to have a bit of a pity party thinking about the things in my life that I’d change if I could; things that, as I shared in the sermon today that we all can say is true … things that just haven’t worked out completely the way I thought they would.

So amidst my pity party the Lord decides to show up and give me some more “perspective” and to be honest I was humbled by what He showed me. While I’m sitting feeling sorry about my “issues”, He directed my attention to the choir. I began to look row by row, face by face at those in the choir singing His praise; singing “If I ever needed you Lord it’s now!” As I looked I pulled out my worship folder and found a blank spot and began to make notes about what He showed me. Singing His praise today in choir were:
· A woman who not long ago battled breast cancer and the cloud of “what ifs” I’m sure is an ever present companion
· A sister who’s sibling is battling severe emotional issues
· A father with a daughter that is developmentally disabled
· A father with a wayward daughter
· A mother who is coping with the very recent tragic death of a son who died well before he should have
· A mother and grandmother dealing with having a daughter and grandson as missionaries overseas and the loneliness I’m sure that at times produces
· A lady with Lupus
· A daughter with unchurched or lost parents
· A man legally blind with many other health issues
· A police officer that I’m sure must have a heavy heart at times with all the sin and heartache he sees on a regular basis
· A husband and father fighting against the break-up of his family
· A father with a severely handicapped son
· A daughter who recently experienced the death of both parents
· A daughter whose aged father was recently in the hospital
· A wife who’s heart must ache for her husband as he grieves the death of his brother
· A daughter grieving the death of her father (her mother died a few years back)
· A lady who has lost much of her vision in one eye at a very early age
· A father with a wayward son
· A lady who has been battling all sorts of physical ailments
· A husband and wife praying for a wayward child

Now these were just the people singing in the choir, and as such were likely just a microcosm of the greater church family. My family has had some health issues as well as some struggles in finding God’s place for our lives but the point the Lord showed me is that our family is neither unique nor alone. Lamentations 3:21-24 says, “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, therefore I hope in Him!” Psalm 33:18 states, “But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.”

So is your heart heavy today? Are you feeling as though you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? Please know that you are not alone! Confess your belief in the Lord’s faithfulness and accept His grace to get you through this day. I have learned afresh and anew what the Apostle Paul said he learned when he prayed three times for the Lord to remove from him that painful thorn in the flesh. The Lord simply replied “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” So maybe today you are like me and feeling a bit weak .. that’s a good thing because now HIS strength can be made perfect and revealed through our weakness.

A little perspective

This weekend I worked a basketball tournament, volleyball tournament, a freshman district tournament and 4 parks and recreation league basketball games. It was a lot of fun but I’m pretty bushed. Several of the games I officiated came down to the last possession to determine a winner. The main reason I officiate so many games and sports is that I’m a sports nut! I’ve loved sports since I was old enough to play them. I’ll even watch a good hockey or soccer game on tv is there’s nothing else on, just to watch sports. The running up and down the court helps me with some good cardio workouts as well.

Tonight at one of the games a parent was yelling at me about a “rule” that as he said was “in the rule book” (it’s not – and isn’t a rule on any level of the game as far as I know of), but boy was he worked up about it. So I’m riding home tonight thinking about the intensity of some of the coaches, players, and fans, when the Lord granted me a little bit of perspective. I’m sure I will still get worked up when my team doesn’t play well or gives a game away (like Tennessee did today). And don’t misread me; in years past when I have coached I have been every bit as intense as the next coach. I’ve also been known to “give it” to the referees on occasion (ok – probably on many occasions). As I now see some of those referees that I used to give a hard time when I was coaching, I will joke with them and tell them I have “come over to the dark side” now that I’m officiating. So here’s the “perspective” part… you ready? It is JUST a GAME!

I understand to many these wins and losses are important, but in my estimation they are not nearly as important as the couple I know who recently found out (within just a couple of weeks of each other) that he is “terminal” with cancer and she is now battling cancer as well. These games matter little to the young couple I know facing an uphill battle to keep custody of their infant child. These wins and losses mean nothing to the relatively young man I know in a fight for his life with Leukemia or the pastor I know who also is battling Leukemia. These losses pale in comparison to the heartache and sense of “loss” of the woman who this week watched the death of the man who’d been her husband and lover for the past 64+ years.

So the next time I’m getting worked up over “my” team not playing well or I’m officiating and a coach or fan is wearing me out about something, I pray the Holy Spirit will whisper in my ear, “Hey Tom, remember, It’s just a game.” I still want to win (my philosophy is why play the game if you don’t really want to win) but I hope I remember that there are people all around me who’d love for their greatest concern to be whether or not their team “won.” I’m just sayin’…

The hardest job in the world

Today I was reading an article about “What is the hardest job you have had?” Man there are some tough jobs that people do … makes me appreciate even more what I have here at the church. Some of the responses included:
· Paper spinner in a textile factory
· Building decks for houses
· English language teacher overseas (we do this in Asia for one week and that’s tough enough. I can’t imagine having to teach grammar; various spellings of the same word like pair, pear, or pare; etc…)
· Line cook in a kitchen
· Working on a dairy farm
· Plucking chickens at a processing plant (now there’s a job I’d love to have … not)
· Tying rebar in a ditch

Anyway, reading these jobs got me to thinking about the toughest job I’ve ever had. Was it delivering newspapers outside door to door in Anchorage during the winter? How about the four years I spent as a “Pre-trial release officer” going in and out of the Tarrant County Jail in Ft. Worth? Or maybe it was the job in the lumber yard I had for one day (I quit because that WAS one tough job).

But as I reflected on these I think none of them qualify as the toughest job I have ever had. I think they pale in comparison in fact; that they were all much easier than the job I’m going to describe. I think the toughest job I have ever had is parenting. What makes it so difficult is the fact that there’s only really one way to learn to do it well … experience. You can read all the “self-help” books out there but in the heat of the moment when lives are affected by everything said and done experience is the only and best teacher. I look back and there are many things that I say “Wow God – you really helped me hit that one out of the park in that situation.” And there are other times when I know I failed miserably in a situation. Experience is about the only thing that you always get after you need it.

When kids are small they are so moldable and pliable. But when they are small, especially if you have multiple kids, often you are just happy to get everyone fed, bathed, and homework done. Then by the time you start to realize maybe I should have spent more time developing this character trait or that discipline, often the old patterns then are almost impossible to break. Parenting, you don’t get paid to do it but the benefits really can be out of this world. Parenting it’s a job that can bring the greatest joys in life and the hardest heartbreaks. Maybe there’s a bit of truth in what I’ve heard from others, that God gives us grandchildren to have a second chance. So what about you? What’s the hardest job you have ever held? What made it so difficult?

Dealing with criticism

One of the things I enjoy is officiating high school sports. Someone recently commented “I couldn’t do that job, all those folks yelling at me, I just couldn’t take it.” I find I have the ability for the most part to tune fans and coaches out. I get “into the game” and while I hear noise, for the most part not particular comments. Besides, at most games it doesn’t matter what you call, about 50% of the people aren’t going to like it. And those who do like that particular call are finicky and will turn on you the first time a call goes against their team or child.

You ever feel like that? That no matter what you do, or choice you make, you just can’t “win”? It reminds me of the story of a man on a long journey with his grandson. The pair only had one donkey between them. Their journey required they pass through five villages to get home. The man placed his grandson on the donkey and decided to walk alongside them as they traveled. As they traveled through the first village a villager commented: "Look at that healthy young boy making that poor old man walk." The pair couldn’t handle the criticism so they switched places.

As they entered the second village they heard someone say: “Would you look at that. That healthy grown man is making that poor little boy walk.” Again they didn’t like the criticism so they decided they both would ride the donkey together. Both atop the donkey traveling through the third village they overheard: "That’s animal abuse both of them riding that donkey. One of them ought to get off and walk.” Again, they didn’t like the criticism so they both got off and started walking.

Entering the fourth village they overheard a woman say: "Can you believe that? You would think one of them would have sense enough to get on that donkey and ride.” They didn’t like the criticism so one more time they decided to change things. Entering the fifth village the villagers were amazed at what they saw. Before them they saw an old man and his grandson walking carrying a donkey on their backs and they criticized them.

It really is true that at times no matter what you do, someone will offer criticism. In reading Job this morning I was reminded of some truths about criticism that I wanted to share. In the first chapter of Job, God tells Satan that there is not a person like Job on earth; none as righteous and upright as he. But then Satan accuses God of protecting Job, that if trials come his way he would curse God. So God allows Satan to afflict Job with great trials. As the story unfolds Job’s three “friends” come to him and offer commentary about his plight; try to tell him that his struggles must be due to some hideous hidden sin.

As I thought of their coming to Job there are some lessons we can learn. First, remember that critics do not always speak the truth. These friends tell Job basically that bad things only happen to bad people (one of the greatest lies that hell has ever put upon mankind). Remember, that not everyone who claims to have a “word from God” does! Another important lesson here is that we need to remember that at times even friends will criticize you.

So how should we respond to criticism, especially when it is untrue? First and foremost stay focused on the truth. Do not get sidetracked by what others perceive the truth to be but rather stay focused on what you know the truth is. Job knew that what they were accusing him of simply was not true. It’s like the story of the boy who entered a grocery store and asked the grocer for a box of Tide detergent. When asked why he needed the detergent the boy replied "to wash my cat." The grocer looked down at the young lad and said “Young man, you shouldn’t wash a cat with this Tide!” But the boy insisted it would be okay and so he sold him the Tide and watched him leave. A few days later the boy was back in the store looking a bit sad. The grocer asked him about his cat and the boy said “Oh, he died!” The grocer said “Son I warned you not to wash your cat with Tide." The boy shook his head and said, “The soap didn't hurt him one bit. It was the spin cycle that got him." When difficult times come, they are often accompanied by criticism. When that happens stay focused on the truth, and then the “spin” others try to put on the truth won’t hurt you.

Another lesson from Job handling criticism is to not attack those who criticize you. Though we are tempted to “fight fire with fire,” as tempting as that is, it typically leaves a hangover of hurt feelings and broken relationships. There’s an important turning point in Job. While disagreeing with his friends as to the reason of his suffering, Job did it without being argumentative or vindictive. And in job 42 the Lord God comes to Job’s defense. After speaking words of comfort to Job He turns his attention to Job’s friends and their false accusations. But for me the real turning point is Job 42:10 “And the Lord restored Job’s losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed the Lord gave twice as much as he had before.” Did you catch it? Let me quote it again with emphasis: “the Lord restored Job’s losses when he had prayed for his friends.” It’s interesting that things turned for Job when he prayed for those who had wrongly criticized him.

So, have you been criticized unfairly? If so, how have you handled it? Maybe today it’s time to take some of your “friends” to the Lord.

His,

Tom