What I Wish I Knew When I Was Younger

June 14, 2017 AARP published an article entitled “The Age at Which You Are Officially Old.” They cited a study done that year by U. S. Trust that found perceptions regarding the onset of old age vary widely among different generations. Millennials (born between 1981-1996), for example, say that you are old once you turn 59. Gen Xers (born between 1965-1980), on the other hand, are a bit more generous in their viewpoint, saying that old age begins at 65. When it comes to boomers (born 1948-1964) and the silent generation (born 1928-1947), both agree that you’re not really old until you hit age 73. Let me make an observation regarding their perspectives and add a couple of thoughts.

•    The older the generation the higher they put the age at when someone is officially old. We like to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt.
• We all are going to age as there is only one alternative.
• I’m convinced age is a matter of perspective. As I have often said, “Age is just mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter!”

What got me to contemplating age was me making a list of things I wish I had known when I was younger. I am not going to share my entire list here, but I did want to share some of it. Please understand this list does not list spiritual things because those who know me, know that is a given.

1. What other people think of me is not important – I spent way too many years consumed by the opinions of others. If I’m happy in my own skin and believe I am where I need to be, what others think should not matter. When we spend our lives seeking approval, we will find ourselves living a life we don’t recognize.
2. Invest in my future earlier – Compound interest is an amazing thing. Albert Einstein said, “Compound interest is the 8^th wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it; he who doesn’t, pays it.” I would have invested much earlier in life.
3. Learning to choose my battles wisely – We should not stay angry with people that do not deserve either the attention or the time. I’ve spent too many years in the past replaying all of the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens.
4.  Don’t take myself too seriously – I wish I had learned earlier in life to laugh at myself. Life could have been a lot easier if I had.
5. Wear sunscreen – Many trips to my dermatologist and being cut on or frozen about once every 6 months taught me this in a hurry, just too late.
6. Mindset matters – We will either focus on the bad things that happen or the good, but not both. Choosing a mindset that focuses on the good things is a game changer.
7. A good dog is better than a big house – I’m not saying houses are not important, Angie and I just purchased one. But our dogs cost us a lot less money, and have brought so much more joy, laughter, and love to our lives than we ever could have imagined.

What about you? What are some things that you wish you had learned earlier in life?

Living and Dying Without Regrets

When we are children, it seems like we might live forever. The vastness of life seems immeasurable and every day is filled with hope, awe, and wonder. Yet, as we age, we often look back and realize just how short life really is. We find ourselves wondering how those years could have passed so quickly. Part of reflecting on the years that have passed is thinking about the choices we have made and the things we have either done or left undone. In these moments there are memories that flood the soul with love and fill our hearts with joy. There are also memories that we regret; times where we wish we could go back and change things. We look at the social media accounts of “friends” and wonder why our life can’t be as good as theirs. A blogger named Cory Doctorow may have expressed it best with, “You live your own blooper reel and experience everyone else’s highlight reel.”

I recently became aware of a book by Bronnie Ware entitled: The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying: A life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. Bronnie worked as a hospice nurse in Australia where she cared for people in the last 12 weeks of their life. She said she would routinely ask her patients about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently in life. She stated that people near death often had incredible clarity of vision of their life that was quickly fading as well as memory of the way they had spent their lives. In her book, she identifies “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.”

1.    I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2.    I wish I hadn’t worked so much.

3.    I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4.    I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5.    I wish that I had let myself be happier.

If I’m not currently writing the last chapter in my book of life, I’m certainly toward the end of the book. Here are some things I have decided in recent days and wish I’d have made these choices much sooner in life. Had I done so I think my life would have fewer regrets.

Celebrate my failures – I played just about every sport growing up. I missed lots of shots, dropped passes, and made errors. But here’s the thing I have realized. The only person who misses shots or makes errors, are those who are off the sidelines and playing the game. I have learned it is okay to screw up. You learn from it, stay in the game, and keep going forward.

Deciding to live my life – We often make decisions primarily on what it is that other people want for us and of us. Granted there is the component of wanting to fulfill the purpose the Lord has for you in life. But we often fear what others might say or think if we choose to live life our way. How I wish I’d have made decisions based on my dreams and aspirations rather than deciding based on what I felt were the expectations of others.

Deal with the “What if’s” – How often before making a big decision do we play the ‘what if’ game? What if I take that job and it doesn’t work out? What if I fail miserably. Too often in the past I have given in to fear because of the ‘what if’s.’ When, the reality is the only ‘what if’ to be afraid of is what if I get to the end of my life and realize I have wasted it. Are you stuck in a rut because of the ‘what if’ questions?

Say yes to my dreams – We all have dreams, most of which we never pursue. We say to ourselves, “One day I will …” I have found that ‘one day’ is the day that never arrives. We either must let go of those dreams or begin pursuing them ASAP. Sydney Harris said, “Regret for things we did is often tempered by time. It is regret for the things we did not do that we find inconsolable.”

Forgive myself – One of my biggest issues, and I am confident is a huge issue for many, is failing to forgive ourselves. We all have times when we said or did something in years past, by which we are still deeply troubled. Here is what I have realized about those moments. The person who did those things is not the same person I am today. Today I have more life experiences, more wisdom, more knowledge, and hopefully new insights. Even though we have tried to make amends, too often people cannot get past to seeing the person we were back then; they refuse to see the person we are today.

I am not sure how many pages are left to write in my book of life. But I have resolved that these last pages or chapters be filled with laughter, joy, pursuing the person God wants me to be, and chasing my dreams. I want to be the best husband to Angie, the best father to my three children, and the best grandfather to my five grandkids. If I should be able to reach those last 12 weeks of life and have a hospice nurse like Bronnie Ware ask me about what things I regret, I want to be able to truthfully say, “Not much, not much at all.” I am resolved to make the rest of my days be the best of my days!

Coping with Change

The word “change” for many is a four-letter word. Any change can be painful, and I’ve found the older I get, the more change pains me. But the reality is, change is inevitable. It’s going to happen no matter how much you or I resist it, ignore it, or even try to pretend that it doesn’t exist and is not happening.

No matter what type of change we face, change always produces stress. Negative changes like disease, death, divorce, or losing a job all add stress to our lives. But positive change also produces stress. Things such as the birth of a baby, a marriage, a graduation, or a promotion all are good things, but they are stressors, nonetheless.

As believers, how should we respond to change? Are there some principles we can claim and verses we can cling to as we process through the stresses that change brings? Here are some suggestions: 

1.    We must look for God amidst the change – We often make the mistake, especially if the change is perceived as being negative, that God cannot be in it. We tend to look for some means of comfort during change when what we need to do is look for the Lord. The Lord promises in Jeremiah 29:13, “you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” So, look for the Lord today, He is with you.

2.    We must ask the right questions – At 60, I am so resistant to change, the first question I want to ask is “Why?” My thoughts and prayers tend to be consumed with “Why God?” It’s taken all 60 years of my life, but I think I am finally realizing that the correct question is “What?” as in “Lord, what do you want me to learn from this situation?” When I get stuck on the why question, I often resent change. When I work through feelings and get to the what question, those are the times I experience growth. Psalm 111:2 states, “The works of the Lord are great, studied by all who have pleasure in them.”

3.    We must focus on the things that never change

§  The Lord never changes – Hebrews 13:8 reads, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”

§  The Lord’s love for us never changes – In Jeremiah 31:3 we read the Lord’s promise, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.”

§  The Lord’s word never changes – It is a strong consistent in our life day after day, year after year. Psalm 119:89 states, “Forever, O Lord, Your word is settled in heaven.”

§  Circumstances change, but the Lord’s plans do not – When we question the Father and do not see His hand at work, we would be wise to remember the words of Solomon in Proverbs 3:5-6. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

4.    We must hold fast to His promises – In Jeremiah 21:45 we are assured, “Not one of all the Lord’s promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.” Yes, change at times is very difficult, but remember that the Lord always has the final word. Philippians 1:6 assures us that He is not finished with us; 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us, and Philippians 4:6-7 promise that when we bring our concerns to Him in a spirit of trust and thankfulness, His peace will guard our hearts and minds.

5.    We must tell the Lord that we trust Him no matter what – If anyone who ever lived knew the stress of negative changes it was the man Job, that the book is named after. Job lost his wealth, his children, his relationship to his wife and friends, and his health. Amid all these negative changes, Job made a startling exclamation. In Job chapter 11, a friend by the name of Zophar accuses Job of great sin. He tells him in essence that bad things only happen to bad people and with the amount of bad in Job’s life, he must be guilty of some grave sin. Job 12 and 13 record Job’s response to Zophar. Job 13:15 is Job’s statement that amazes me. He states, “Though He (God) slay me, yet will I trust Him.” I want to have that type of faith, that when I cannot see His hand, I simply trust His heart.

Remember friend that God is not limited by time or space. We look back in the past through human history, or even through the history of our own life, and we see God was there. When we get to the present will find He is already there. That’s comforting to me because I know whatever changes I am going through today; I can face them knowing He was here ahead of me!