Dealing with criticism

One of the things I enjoy is officiating high school sports. Someone recently commented “I couldn’t do that job, all those folks yelling at me, I just couldn’t take it.” I find I have the ability for the most part to tune fans and coaches out. I get “into the game” and while I hear noise, for the most part not particular comments. Besides, at most games it doesn’t matter what you call, about 50% of the people aren’t going to like it. And those who do like that particular call are finicky and will turn on you the first time a call goes against their team or child.

You ever feel like that? That no matter what you do, or choice you make, you just can’t “win”? It reminds me of the story of a man on a long journey with his grandson. The pair only had one donkey between them. Their journey required they pass through five villages to get home. The man placed his grandson on the donkey and decided to walk alongside them as they traveled. As they traveled through the first village a villager commented: "Look at that healthy young boy making that poor old man walk." The pair couldn’t handle the criticism so they switched places.

As they entered the second village they heard someone say: “Would you look at that. That healthy grown man is making that poor little boy walk.” Again they didn’t like the criticism so they decided they both would ride the donkey together. Both atop the donkey traveling through the third village they overheard: "That’s animal abuse both of them riding that donkey. One of them ought to get off and walk.” Again, they didn’t like the criticism so they both got off and started walking.

Entering the fourth village they overheard a woman say: "Can you believe that? You would think one of them would have sense enough to get on that donkey and ride.” They didn’t like the criticism so one more time they decided to change things. Entering the fifth village the villagers were amazed at what they saw. Before them they saw an old man and his grandson walking carrying a donkey on their backs and they criticized them.

It really is true that at times no matter what you do, someone will offer criticism. In reading Job this morning I was reminded of some truths about criticism that I wanted to share. In the first chapter of Job, God tells Satan that there is not a person like Job on earth; none as righteous and upright as he. But then Satan accuses God of protecting Job, that if trials come his way he would curse God. So God allows Satan to afflict Job with great trials. As the story unfolds Job’s three “friends” come to him and offer commentary about his plight; try to tell him that his struggles must be due to some hideous hidden sin.

As I thought of their coming to Job there are some lessons we can learn. First, remember that critics do not always speak the truth. These friends tell Job basically that bad things only happen to bad people (one of the greatest lies that hell has ever put upon mankind). Remember, that not everyone who claims to have a “word from God” does! Another important lesson here is that we need to remember that at times even friends will criticize you.

So how should we respond to criticism, especially when it is untrue? First and foremost stay focused on the truth. Do not get sidetracked by what others perceive the truth to be but rather stay focused on what you know the truth is. Job knew that what they were accusing him of simply was not true. It’s like the story of the boy who entered a grocery store and asked the grocer for a box of Tide detergent. When asked why he needed the detergent the boy replied "to wash my cat." The grocer looked down at the young lad and said “Young man, you shouldn’t wash a cat with this Tide!” But the boy insisted it would be okay and so he sold him the Tide and watched him leave. A few days later the boy was back in the store looking a bit sad. The grocer asked him about his cat and the boy said “Oh, he died!” The grocer said “Son I warned you not to wash your cat with Tide." The boy shook his head and said, “The soap didn't hurt him one bit. It was the spin cycle that got him." When difficult times come, they are often accompanied by criticism. When that happens stay focused on the truth, and then the “spin” others try to put on the truth won’t hurt you.

Another lesson from Job handling criticism is to not attack those who criticize you. Though we are tempted to “fight fire with fire,” as tempting as that is, it typically leaves a hangover of hurt feelings and broken relationships. There’s an important turning point in Job. While disagreeing with his friends as to the reason of his suffering, Job did it without being argumentative or vindictive. And in job 42 the Lord God comes to Job’s defense. After speaking words of comfort to Job He turns his attention to Job’s friends and their false accusations. But for me the real turning point is Job 42:10 “And the Lord restored Job’s losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed the Lord gave twice as much as he had before.” Did you catch it? Let me quote it again with emphasis: “the Lord restored Job’s losses when he had prayed for his friends.” It’s interesting that things turned for Job when he prayed for those who had wrongly criticized him.

So, have you been criticized unfairly? If so, how have you handled it? Maybe today it’s time to take some of your “friends” to the Lord.

His,

Tom