Christmas Groaners

Christmas questions

• What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
• What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus. 
• Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
• What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost clause.
• What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve? A pack of batteries with a note saying "toy not included".
• Why did Santa bring 22 reindeers to WalMart with him? Because what he wanted to buy cost around 20 bucks and just in case it cost more he brought some extra doe.
• How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb? Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!
• What do you call an incomplete Christmas sentence? A santa clause 
• What do you call Santa if he also lives in the South Pole? Bi-Polar
• What does "The Grinch" do with a baseball bat? Hit a gnome and run.
• What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks, I'll never part with it!
• I’ve got my girlfriend a wooden leg for Christmas. It’s not her main present – it’s just a stocking filler.
• I’ve invited my mother-in-law to come round for Christmas for the last eight years. This year, I might even let her in.
• Why did Frosty go live in the middle of the ocean? Because snow man is an island.
• Where does Santa stay when he is on vacation? A ho-ho-tel
• How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing – it was “on the house”

One Liners

• Every parent dreads that awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents.
• This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I've decided to give everyone my opinion.
• Christmas is just like a day at the office; you do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
• The best Christmas present I ever got was a broken drum … you just can’t best it.
• Would you call a singing elf a Christmas ‘wrapper’?
• FYI: By the end of the Twelve Days of Christmas song, your home is crammed with 23 flying Birds and 50 hyperactive Humans.
• Remember to not leave a fire burning in the fireplace this Christmas Ever or you might wake up to a ‘Krisp Kringle’
• Watching Miracle on 34th Street makes me so santa-mental.
• Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
• Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree in your living room eating candy and snacks out of your socks?

Remember, a large part of Christmas isn't about how big the tree is, or what's under it. It's about who's around it! Be blessed and enjoy time with your family as you celebrate the birth of Christ!