Living and Dying Without Regrets

When we are children, it seems like we might live forever. The vastness of life seems immeasurable and every day is filled with hope, awe, and wonder. Yet, as we age, we often look back and realize just how short life really is. We find ourselves wondering how those years could have passed so quickly. Part of reflecting on the years that have passed is thinking about the choices we have made and the things we have either done or left undone. In these moments there are memories that flood the soul with love and fill our hearts with joy. There are also memories that we regret; times where we wish we could go back and change things. We look at the social media accounts of “friends” and wonder why our life can’t be as good as theirs. A blogger named Cory Doctorow may have expressed it best with, “You live your own blooper reel and experience everyone else’s highlight reel.”

I recently became aware of a book by Bronnie Ware entitled: The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying: A life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. Bronnie worked as a hospice nurse in Australia where she cared for people in the last 12 weeks of their life. She said she would routinely ask her patients about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently in life. She stated that people near death often had incredible clarity of vision of their life that was quickly fading as well as memory of the way they had spent their lives. In her book, she identifies “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.”

1.    I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2.    I wish I hadn’t worked so much.

3.    I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4.    I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5.    I wish that I had let myself be happier.

If I’m not currently writing the last chapter in my book of life, I’m certainly toward the end of the book. Here are some things I have decided in recent days and wish I’d have made these choices much sooner in life. Had I done so I think my life would have fewer regrets.

Celebrate my failures – I played just about every sport growing up. I missed lots of shots, dropped passes, and made errors. But here’s the thing I have realized. The only person who misses shots or makes errors, are those who are off the sidelines and playing the game. I have learned it is okay to screw up. You learn from it, stay in the game, and keep going forward.

Deciding to live my life – We often make decisions primarily on what it is that other people want for us and of us. Granted there is the component of wanting to fulfill the purpose the Lord has for you in life. But we often fear what others might say or think if we choose to live life our way. How I wish I’d have made decisions based on my dreams and aspirations rather than deciding based on what I felt were the expectations of others.

Deal with the “What if’s” – How often before making a big decision do we play the ‘what if’ game? What if I take that job and it doesn’t work out? What if I fail miserably. Too often in the past I have given in to fear because of the ‘what if’s.’ When, the reality is the only ‘what if’ to be afraid of is what if I get to the end of my life and realize I have wasted it. Are you stuck in a rut because of the ‘what if’ questions?

Say yes to my dreams – We all have dreams, most of which we never pursue. We say to ourselves, “One day I will …” I have found that ‘one day’ is the day that never arrives. We either must let go of those dreams or begin pursuing them ASAP. Sydney Harris said, “Regret for things we did is often tempered by time. It is regret for the things we did not do that we find inconsolable.”

Forgive myself – One of my biggest issues, and I am confident is a huge issue for many, is failing to forgive ourselves. We all have times when we said or did something in years past, by which we are still deeply troubled. Here is what I have realized about those moments. The person who did those things is not the same person I am today. Today I have more life experiences, more wisdom, more knowledge, and hopefully new insights. Even though we have tried to make amends, too often people cannot get past to seeing the person we were back then; they refuse to see the person we are today.

I am not sure how many pages are left to write in my book of life. But I have resolved that these last pages or chapters be filled with laughter, joy, pursuing the person God wants me to be, and chasing my dreams. I want to be the best husband to Angie, the best father to my three children, and the best grandfather to my five grandkids. If I should be able to reach those last 12 weeks of life and have a hospice nurse like Bronnie Ware ask me about what things I regret, I want to be able to truthfully say, “Not much, not much at all.” I am resolved to make the rest of my days be the best of my days!