Why pastors leave and why I left the ministry

Most have read or at least heard cited horrible “facts”     

about the number of ministers leaving the ministry. While it has been proven that those numbers are skewed to be much higher than the actual numbers, I want to reflect on reasons why pastors leave. I have been reading several articles from people like Thom Rainer, Ed Stetzer, and Leadership Network and found a number of reasons recurring in their research. I wanted to share some of those reasons in this blog. If you stay with me to the end I will unravel some of the reasons I walked away from the ministry. Here are some of the recurring themes in no particular order:

1.    Inability to separate – Many jobs allow for a person to leave the cares at the office when the day is over. For pastors, especially lead pastors the pressure is ever-present. The inability to disconnect can wear down even the best leaders.

2.    Spiritual warfare – In Mark 14:27 Jesus said, “It is written, ‘strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered.’” The devil knows this scripture and is an opportunist knowing if he can take out a leader he can often demoralize some of the “sheep” under that particular shepherd’s watch care.

3.    Finances – For some ‘finances’ means making ends meet for their family. Many smaller churches operate under the mantra, “Lord, you keep him humble, we will keep him poor.” The pastor should be able to live equal to the lifestyle of those in the congregation who are similarly educated and experienced. But there is also the financial pressure of the church budget. With statistics revealing that on 3-7% of average attendees tithe, the fiscal needs of the church family are a constant pressure.

4.    Burnout – The hours can be long, the phone calls late, and the concerns for the congregation never-ending. Think about this – the pastor never ever has a “3-day weekend”. 

5.    Things of the World – Demas in Colossians 4:14 and 2 Timothy 4:10 is a prime example of this. Business, family, position, and money are just as tempting and enticing to those in the ministry as they are to those that aren’t.

6.    Loneliness – Being the lead pastor of a church is a lonely job. Everyone in the church and many in the community know you, but no one really “knows” you. Many pastors speak of an inability to confide in parishioners because they have found that whatever they share, can and often is used against them at some point in the future. The last two churches I served, I confided in people who were close to me, only to have it come back and bite me in the future. This is a very real fear for pastors and loneliness is the result. 

7.    Pastoral foolishness – Many pastors are highly educated but lack sound principles of emotional health. Rather than viewing signs of burnout like inability to sleep, irritability, change in eating habits, etc. as being a warning to heed, they instead see it as a mountain to conquer. Pastors foolishly embrace the mindset they just have to “push through” these feelings rather than recognizing them for what they are, signs of danger ahead. 

8.    Moral failure – All of mankind is “prone to wander” as the hymn writer so aptly put it. Pastors are not immune to sin simply because of their calling or education.

9.    Family issues – Many pastors make mistresses of the church to the neglect of their family. Wives and children of pastor’s experience relational, emotional, and spiritual stress as they hear all of the gossip and see the underbelly of the church.

10.  Isolation- Where can a leader go when he is discouraged, tempted, or angry? The answer is usually not to his fellow pastors. The pastoral fraternity tends to be competitive and insecure.  A struggling leader typically doesn’t go to his staff, deacons, or congregation, due to legitimate concern it could get him fired. Consequently, he hides.

While these 10 reasons have been mostly internal to the pastor, there is a couple that correlate to the church that need to be mentioned. 

1.    Lack of leadership – Many deacons, elders, and committee members are in a position of leadership but have little or no desire to serve the body or cultivate spiritual disciplines in their life. When this is the case, the pastor is the one who pays the price, at least initially. Without leadership the pastor faces the brunt of the criticism when things don’t go as planned. When bad leaders are in positions that they are either experientially or spiritually unqualified, the vision of the church can and is often hindered.

2.    Toxicity – This takes the form of cliques, gossip, manipulation, or simple meanness. When a pastor repeatedly tastes the toxicity of emotional poison being spewed, they often walk away, never to return. 

This entire process of reading these articles and writing the last several blogs was to help me put my thoughts and experiences into perspective. Why would someone leave 1 of the 5 best (in my opinion) churches in the Kentucky Baptist Convention at the pinnacle of his career? Why leave after having walked with the church through the successful navigation of planting a second campus, a few dozen mission trips on 5 continents, and served in many state and national leadership positions … why walk away not just from this church but from ministry altogether? The answer is found in 1,2 4, 6, 9, 10, 1, and 2. Let me briefly explain.

• Inability to separate – it became harder and harder for me to leave ‘work’ at home when I entered the ‘safe space’ of my home.
• Spiritual warfare – no pastor leaves the ministry without this being a significant reason why.
• Burnout – rather than reading the signs as danger ahead, I simply tried to keep pushing through until I got to the place I could not punish any longer.
• Loneliness – I shared above that at the last two churches I had things shared in confidence with people I trusted to come back and bite me. The adage is true, ‘Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.’ I always wanted to believe the best and for the vast majority of people I shared confidence with the best was what happened. But it only takes one or two to turn to make the pastor gun-shy to trust anyone.
• Family issues – a few of these were brought on by years of ministry and a few of these were brought on by personal negligence and lack of intentionality. Either way my family has changed and will never be the same.
• Isolation – This is a cousin to the loneliness mentioned above. I served 4 churches in 28 years and in 3 of the 4 I had staff members that I could not trust with personal struggles for fear of whom they might share them with.
• Lack of leadership – this will always be a problem because of the fact people are at different stages in their walk with the Lord. Some accept church leadership positions because they want the ‘power’ that goes with it. Some refuse to let go of positions when they need to step away for a season to be refreshed by the Lord. In my last 6 months of ministry I had staff member openly admit he had not done something that I had given very explicit direction regarding. This was not because of the task being wrong or burdensome, but rather the staff member simply didn’t do it. I had a leading lay member storm out of a meeting halfway through the meeting then fail to be willing to meet with me and work through the difficulties; something that scripture admonishes us to do. 
• Toxicity – after serving 14 years at my last church, 6 months before I resigned I had another leading lay member look me in the eyes and question whether I had the “ability or capacity to lead us to fulfill (Eastwood’s) 10 year vision.” This leader shared their concerns with 3 other lay leaders. I waited 4 weeks for this lay leader or any of the leaders he shared it with to come to me and affirm my ability to lead. It wasn’t until I called a meeting with all who heard these comments as well as our deacon chair and chair of Leadership Committee were these comments walked back and my ability to lead affirmed.

Please understand that none of these things contributed more or less to my decision. I certainly didn’t leave ministry for the ‘things of the world.’ My last church compensated me very well. I took a job where I am currently making less than 50% of what I made as a pastor so I didn’t leave the ministry because of finances. My family struggles were probably the #1 reason I am not a pastor today. But all of these other things I think played into that decision and negatively affected my family over time.

Hopefully now I have closed this season of blogging about this ‘stuff’ and can move forward into a new day.

Tom

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